This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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