Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
