I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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