She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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