i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
