alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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