Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
