I was born with a shot glass in my hand
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
