P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
