Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize