I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
