Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
this is an emotional support booty call
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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