She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
