I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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