i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
