If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just cut my nipple shaving
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
ok first of all what the fuck
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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