speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
