I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
