Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
