Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
