He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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