____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
