We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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