Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
