so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
