when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
