she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
