dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
