Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
