Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
