Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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