3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
