guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
