someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
