His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
