Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
