forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
