Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize