In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
