So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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