Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
