i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Pants are for mortals
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
