Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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