I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
