Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
