Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
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