She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
