There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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