I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize