When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize