if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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