my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
