i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
