dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
