I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
