FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
