We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
