honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
