You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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