it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
