Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
