Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
