I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
