I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
