we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We need to get me chipped asap
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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