I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
