I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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