there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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