i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
