I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
