Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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