Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
