apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
