My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
