You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we made out on top of his cat.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
