What did we do last night that was yellow?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Everyone says I win the strip club
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
